How To Control People With Polar Reaction

by Peter Saks on May 7, 2009

The word "not" is very valuable during contacts with people who suffer from so called polar reaction. These are people who, whenever hear something, react in a way like: "I don't think so" or "it's not true". It happens, because before they consciously think about something their unconscious minds are heading in the opposite direction.

I'm sure you have met a person like that, at least once in your life.

When I was in high school there was a very beautiful girl in my class, her name was Jessica and she was a very good example of a person suffering from polar reaction. Almost all the guys in my class, me included, tried to ask her out, but before we were able to finish our proposition, we always received an answer - a very hard "no".

Will you go out with me, this Saturday?
No.
Would you like to go to the cinema with me?
No.
How about ice cream, tomorrow?
No.

This situation continued for a couple of months and we all were trying our best, but our efforts were fruitless. When we all have lost our hope, one of my friends in act of complete desperation said something like this to Jessica: "Probably you wouldn't like to go to the cinema with me today?!"

His jaw dropped, when she replied: "You think so? What are they currently playing?"

This way he has discovered the key to Jessica's mind. You just had to say something opposite to what you wanted to achieve and she eagerly agreed, similarly to the way she refused in the past.

This technique is very handy with people who suffer from polar reaction, for example: real estate agent who is finalizing the sale of home to a person that reacts in such a way, could say something like that:

- You probably aren't ready to buy this home, yet?
- Of course I'm ready, let's finalize the deal, now.

It is also very useful, when your child is giving you a hard time, refusing to do what you want him to do, for example: "Yes you're right, you don't have to eat broccoli.".

I don't know if you have noticed, that by using this word deliberately in your statements, you can control the way the other person is thinking, usually without getting caught. It is possible because most of the people can't spot what you are doing, that's how stealth this tactic is. Everything you say sounds 100% normal and casual, so they have no reason to suspect something coming.

I also don't know, if you are fully aware of how this technique will improve effectivness of your communication. So, don't think, who will you try this technique on today!