Creating Frames For Experiences, Power Of Connectors
by Peter Saks on May 22, 2009
In this article we will be discussing wery interesting topic, something you may have overlooked in the past. The words aren't only representing the experience, but often "giving a framework” for it, directing more significance to certain aspects and leaving others in the background.
Lets focus on the words we are using for "connecting" our thoughts, such as "but", "and" and "although". When we combine thoughts or experiences with "connectors", we are directing attention to the different aspects of those experiences.
When someone says:
- “Today, the sun is shining, but tomorrow it will be raining ", we are concentrating the majority of our attention on the fact that it will be raining tomorrow, completely discounting the information that it is sunny.
When you will take the same two experiences, but connect them with “and” here is what you get:
- "Today the sun is shining and tomorrow it will be raining", the two events are highlighted with equal strength.
When someone says:
- "Today the sun is shining, although it will rain tomorrow", the first event is much more highlighted, leaving the second one almost unimportant.
Some words are giving framework for our experiences, amplifying some parts of them and pushing others to the background. For example, statement:
- "I'm happy today, but I know that it will not last."
- "I am happy today and I know that it will not last."
- "I'm happy today, although I know that it will not last."
Create changes in highlighting, similar to statements about the weather. The same is true for the following statements:
- "I want to achieve my goal, but I have a problem";
- "I want to achieve my goal and I have a problem";
- "I want to achieve my goal, although I have a problem."
When certain structures work over and over in different contexts, we are talking about "the pattern". Some people have habit of constantly denying the positive aspect of any experience by exploiting the word "but".
This type of verbal patterns can have an massive impact on how we interpret and respond to specific statements and situations. For
example:
"You can do anything you want if you are willing to work hard enough."
This is a very positive statement, which adds strength and motivation. This statement combines two important parts of the experience in the form of cause and effect: "You can do everything you want" and "if you are willing to work hard enough."
The first one is very motivating. The second one isn’t that exciting. Since these statements are connected by the association in the way that makes “you can do what you want” stand out more, therefore makes the whole statement very strong and encouraging to take action, crucial for achieving success.
See what happens when we flip the script:
"If you're willing to work hard enough, you can do whatever you want."
Although the same words have been used, the strength of this sentence has decreased much. It sounds like an attempt to persuade someone to “work hard enough”.
