The Most Important Rule Of Rapport Building

by Peter Saks on May 8, 2009

Hi,
In this article I will discuss probably the most common mistake people make, while trying to build report with others. A lot of people seem to disconnect the concept of rapport building and human relationships overall. You have to understand it is virtually the same, building rapport is just like building friendships, but supercharged.

That leads us to that mistake I have mentioned. Most of the people act too needy in contacts with other people. I call it "forcing rapport", it is very common sense to expect that if you will show interest in the other person, be nice to him etc., you will build good rapport with him. However, in reality it doesn't work like that...

Probably, at least once in your life, you have been in a situation when despite your efforts to make someone like you, you have achieved opposite effect. The more you tried, the more the distance between you and the other person seemed to expand. To a level when the other person started to avoid you, treating you like an annoying mosquito.

In daily life such behavior will only make you look like a loser, however in business it is a serious fault. In a world in which every weakness is exploited, you have no chances of survival if you keep acting this way. People will take advantage of you and won't have any respect for you. So much for the myth that being a nice guy pays off.

The best example of this issue are sales assistants in shops. Try to imagine a situation when you're entering the shop and you start to look around, trying to find something that will suit you. During your browsing, suddenly salesperson comes to you and tries to force you to buy some jeans or T-shirts. Despite your verbal assurance you don't need any help, sales person still continues his behavior.

I don't know as you, but in such a situation I go out of the shop without looking back. It doesn't matter if I wanted to buy something. But why does it happen? The explanation is simpler than you think, the salesperson is trying too hard. Rather than stand back and wait till you find something you like and then offer you help with choosing the right size or finding something similar, he thinks the best way will be to torture you until you buy something.

He is trying to "force rapport", rather than allow it to naturally develop. It is a significant mistake, that will help you to build rapport, but negative one. He's simply showing too much positive rapport towards you too fast, most of the time you aren't trying to make best friend out of total stranger.

Solution to this issue is fractionating rapport. You shouldn't swamp the other person with excessive amount of positive rapport building techniques, like copying body language or speaking mannerisms. Give them small dosage of positive rapport and then do something contrary. This way people will appreciate your company and friendship.

As you can see, "forcing rapport" is a very serious mistake made by people who have no experience in rapport building. However now, you are aware of how to avoid this rapport killer. See you in the next article.