Introduction To Building Rapport
by Peter Saks on May 8, 2009
Hi,
In this series of articles, we will be talking about rapport, what is it and how to utilize it for maximal effectiveness. Have you ever, were thinking why some people have uncommon skill to make friends with practically anyone? They simply seem to get on with anybody they meet. It doesn't matter, if they have common interests with the other person, they magically find connection with anyone.
Can you imagine, how having such a capability would affect your life? Being respected and liked by anyone around you, has to feel great. But how can you achieve it?
Most of the people realize that what we say is only a small fraction(about 7%) of the communication overall. This means that if you want to be more succesful in communication, you should concentrate your efforts on things that make up more of the message you send, like tone of voice which is around 38% or body language which is around 55%.
But what does it have to do with rapport? And what exactly is it?
Glad you asked, rapport is the relationship between two people. If you have a good rapport with someone, you have a positive bond with each other, a friendship. But if you have a bad rapport with someone, he isn't a person you want to spend your leisure time with. Most of the time developing good rapport takes time, you have to get to know the other person. But, we aren't here to cover traditional or normal ways, we want to build friendships in minutes not days or hours.
It was the task handed to group of US researchers, they were supposed to explain how do we create bonds with each other. In order to acomplish it they have examined hundreds of people who liked and hated each other. The results were surprising, scientists were able to distill the process of creating friendships between people. In nature connection between people develops over time, however if you are aware of how friendships evolve, you can jam-pack the process that takes days into minutes and make people love you lightingly fast.
Scientists established that the biggest similarity among best friends, are commonalities, but not similar interests. Studies showed that when we like each other we copy our body positions, emotional states or even things like breathing speed. Below I have listed all of the most important cues you should be concerned about:
Body position.
Copying body position of person you are buildig rapport with is the most important thing you can do. If you don't believe me just go out and look at people in love holding hands or pay attention to your body position while you talk to your best friend. Your hands, legs and torso should be positioned in a way that makes you look like a mirror reflection, of the other person.
Tone of voice.
Always pay attention, to the tone, speed and deepnes of voice of the person you're talking to. You should try to match the way they are speaking, accenting certain words and all the other speaking mannerisms they have.
Wording.
The other important thing you have to keep in your mind, is watching out for their favorite words and phrases, ones they use very often. If you will be able to include such stuff into your sentences they will feel like you share the same outlook on life.
Emotions.
Matching mood of the person you are having interaction with, is natural for most of the people. However if you haven't been doing it, now you have a reason to, it's a superb rapport builder. I Think it's common sense, but presenting opposite emotions to the one of the person you're trying to have a good rapport with, isn't something that will improve your relations.
Gestures.
Always look for specific gestures done by person you're talking to and then try to include them in your behaviour. It is very similar to copying someones favorite wording, the other person will feel immediate familiarity with you, which will result in building positive rapport.
Breathing.
Studies indicate that you can increase rapport by matching breathing pattern of the other person. The easiest way to do it is of course looking at the chest, however with girls it can be quite tricky, so my advice is to look at the shoulders and try to do it with your peripheral vision. It is something you may have a lot of trouble with at first, however with time and practice it will become more and more natural for you.
The above cues are the most important things you should be looking for at all times, when you're talking to someone. If you will be able to match all of the six commonalities, the person you're talking to should feel very deep connection with you. From that point you can either start planting some suggestions or leading them to the goal that is satisfying to you.
